I Always Hated Self-Portraiture

Hello, my name is Diana Johnson. I've always had a passion for photography, especially portraiture. Over the years, it became challenging to find subjects to photograph. I never imagined I would develop an interest in self-portraiture, but here I am, embracing this new journey. I always hated self-portraiture.

My three children had all grown up and moved away, and my husband was the only one left, leaving me to realize he couldn’t be the subject in all my scenarios. It was I who had to step into my vision of myself—uncomfortable for sure! Like many women, I didn’t like seeing myself and faced a lot of resistance. I think most of us feel the same way. As you will see in the first photo, I only put my hand in it (laughing). I felt like I was the only one who knew my vision and the story it had to convey.

My Initial Resistance

The thought of being in front of the camera made me cringe. I was accustomed to being behind the lens, hiding, and trying to control the narrative. Realizing I had to be the subject to complete my vision was daunting. It meant facing myself and being true to who I was becoming and this was frightening. This required immense courage. Every click of the shutter felt like peeling back a layer of self-doubt. Overcoming this resistance was transformative, allowing me to embrace vulnerability and authenticity. This journey wasn't just about photos; it was about self-discovery and acceptance.

Embracing the Process

Slowly, I began to embrace the process. I wanted to start experimenting with some of my thoughts and ideas. Each photo was like a new chapter being written, each click a step towards self-discovery. Initially, the idea of capturing myself felt daunting, but as I played with different angles, lighting, and settings, I started seeing it as a journey rather than a task. The camera became my mirror, reflecting not just my exterior but also my evolving inner self.

I began to enjoy the creative freedom, realizing that self-portraiture was more than just taking photos; it was about capturing moments of growth and self-realization. With each shot, I discovered new facets of my personality and creativity, each image serving as a testament to my journey. There were moments of frustration and doubt, but also moments of triumph and clarity. Each photo session felt like peeling back another layer, revealing more of who I truly am.

By embracing this process, I learned to appreciate my imperfections and celebrate my unique perspective. For me, this became a powerful tool for self-expression and personal growth.

My Turning Point

My turning point came when I realized I could stage my own narrative. Suddenly, my storytelling was coming to life, and I felt an exhilarating sense of control and creativity. I began looking at other artists’ work, films, and advertisements to engage my creativity. As a huge movie buff, so many iconic scenes had influenced me over the years, and I found myself merging with the person I was becoming.

Seeing how others crafted their stories, I felt inspired to create my own. I started incorporating different themes and styles into my self-portraits, drawing from the rich tapestry of visual media that had always fascinated me. This process not only enriched my art but also deepened my understanding of myself. I was no longer just capturing images; I was crafting a narrative that was uniquely mine.

Each photograph became a blend of inspiration and personal expression, a piece of a larger story that I was eager to tell. This turning point transformed my approach to self-portraiture, turning it into a passionate pursuit of artistic and personal creativity.

The Reward

Looking back now, I see the immense value in self-portraiture. It has been a transformative experience, teaching me to appreciate myself and my journey. I have grown more confident and learned to love the person I finally see in the mirror. After becoming more comfortable in front of the camera, I started learning more creative techniques to tell my story. These included using overlays, double exposures, conceptual photography, and off-camera flash. These techniques allowed me the freedom to delve deeper into my storytelling, incorporating relatability and emotion.

Each new technique opened a door to more creative expression, enabling me to explore facets of my personality and life experiences in ways I never thought possible. Overlays and double exposures allowed me to layer my stories, blending different elements of my life into a single frame. Conceptual photography pushed my boundaries, encouraging me to think outside the box and infuse my images with deeper meaning and narrative. Off-camera flash brought a professional touch, enhancing the quality and impact of my portraits.

Self-portraiture has given me a way to express myself creatively and authentically. It has been a journey of self-discovery and artistic growth, making me more confident and appreciative of my unique perspective.